The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Randomize
