When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
Randomize
