dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
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