Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Randomize