i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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