I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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