Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
Randomize
