sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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