I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Randomize
