Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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