wakey wakey hands off snakey
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
