i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
I'm way too hungover for life right now
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
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