nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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