You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
