Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
