Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
Fuck appropriateness.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
