I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize
