I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Randomize
