So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
