paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
and she was petting her beer can
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
