okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
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