3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
Randomize
