we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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