...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
