I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
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