my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
