life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
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