i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Randomize
