I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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