She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Randomize
