Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
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