Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
