I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Someone signed my nipple.
Randomize
