i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
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