Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
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