I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
