So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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