i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Randomize
