"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
Oh god it's open bar.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Randomize