If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
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