I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
