I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
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