Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize