New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
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