PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
I am midnight drunk by noon
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Randomize
