Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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