your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
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