my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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