The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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