I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
