What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Randomize
