so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
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