Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
