you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
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