Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Randomize
