i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
