I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Randomize
