ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Randomize