Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
babies were throwing up all over the place
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
