I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
