I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize