you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
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