3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
