Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
