i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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