i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Randomize
