i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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