I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
I need a beard to bite.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
