I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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