the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
I smell stomach acid.
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Randomize
