just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
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