HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Randomize