bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
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