Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
