Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
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